I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
