So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
