i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
