I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
