Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Alive.
So much puke
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
