but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
