I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
