Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
