i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
