Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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