I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize