well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
