Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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