everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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