I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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