I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
