Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
