This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
