Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
