Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
