I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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