Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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