I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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