Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
