Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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