Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
