I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
