Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
