I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
