oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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