I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
