So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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