i need an iv and a liver transplant
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize