for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
