Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
