My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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