There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
