I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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