so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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