Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
