Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
only if we run a train.
done.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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