But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize