Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
