I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
