Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
