You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
