No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize