i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
