i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
