Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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