he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
