Jerry, you need to find god
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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