Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
