haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
