drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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