i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
