i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
