Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
