She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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