Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
