plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
