Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
