Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
