Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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