I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
