i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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