Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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