So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i now understand why vodka
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i believe in u and ur pee
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
