Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just pee around me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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