Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
