i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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