Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
