I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
