She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
