areolas are like halos for boobs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
