you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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