If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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