Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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