So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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