Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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