and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
