chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
