Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
