There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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