I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize