Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
