the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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