i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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