Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
