god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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