Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
