i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
