I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize