By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
