i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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