So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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