Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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