Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
